Weekend warriors everywhere, rejoice. No longer will you have to stand forlornly staring, clad only in your underwear, into the abyss of your closet, despairing at the lack of comfortable black tie options that say “I am a decorated veteran.”
Gearhomies presents the tracksuit U.S. Army Mess Uniform for around $104. It’s essentially the Army Blue Mess Uniform, but sweatpants, because nothing says fancy like a printed track suit.
Meant to mimic some of the Army’s most formal regalia, this sweatsuit is extremely detailed, from the double-breasted jacket with gold buttons and rope sleeves down to the royal blue slacks with gold stripes.
It’s the perfect get-up for your Saturday run to Home Depot. Onlookers won’t be able to resist thanking you for your service, especially when they see your chest candy. Those 3-D printed medals simply scream valor.
One even looks like it might be an artistic take on a Medal of Honor — the military’s highest and rarest service award. And is that an Airborne crest too? You bet.
The outfit’s only real crime, I think, is that the sweatsuit is presented for purchase with hands squarely located in the kangaroo-pouch pocket.
Everyone who’s anyone knows that Army Regulation 670-1 clearly states, “While in uniform, personnel will not place their hands in their pockets, except momentarily to place or retrieve objects.”
And you, a distinguished gentleman, scholar, and sweatsuit soldier, would never be caught with your hands in your pockets.
Sarah Sicard is a Senior Editor with Military Times. She previously served as the Digitial Editor of Military Times and the Army Times Editor. Other work can be found at National Defense Magazine, Task & Purpose, and Defense News.