Did the Army hire an astrologer?

Praise Zoltar! It seems the Army is getting involved in the mystical arts, employing astrology in its latest recruiting effort.

In an Instagram post shared Thursday, the nation’s oldest branch encourages youths interested in joining its illustrious ranks to align their career goals with their star signs.

For example, if you are a Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20), the Army believes you would make a great Judge Advocate General’s Corps Attorney, because a “JAG Corps attorney (27A) will bring out the best in you, Pisces.”

“Honest and a passion for helping people will prove powerful in court,” the Instagram post reads.

According to Astrology.com, “The constellation known as Pisces has been associated with many divine figures in history, such as Poseidon/Neptune, Christ, Vishnu, and the Sumerian goddess Inanna.”

Jesus, that’s quite a lot of pressure for a soldier.

The Army’s suggested career path for Capricorns (Dec. 22 to Jan. 20) is that of a Human Intelligence Collector (35M).

“A Human Intelligence Collector is the path the fits your smarts,” the post says, adding, “going to great lengths to successfully analyze and understand our enemies.”

The Army’s post, however, was fleeting, living on the service’s @GOARMY Instagram story for just 24 hours before disappearing. Those born under other stars will have to get in touch with the Army’s astrologer to learn which MOS will best align with their celestial fates.

Unfortunately, there is no indication that any such soothsayer exists on the Army’s payroll.

Army Times’ request for comment from U.S. Army Recruiting Command about its employment of fortune tellers has not yet been returned.

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