An airman first class at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson was busted down after he was discovered to have delivered himself of a withering barrage of urine directly into his office’s unsuspecting coffee maker.
The No. 1 secretion aficionado’s punishment was the subject of a Feb. 13 base newsletter, which was subsequently shared on the popular Air Force amn/nco/snco Facebook page and confirmed as authentic, according to a base spokeswoman who spoke to Air Force Times.
Officially speaking, the Alaska-based airman was found to have violated “Article 92, dereliction of duty, for failure to refrain from urinating in the office coffee maker,” the official newsletter read.
In addition to the coffee maker infraction, the airman violated Article 86 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice by going absent without leave for five days, according to the base newsletter.
The great bladder evacuation marks the sixth time this particular airman has been the recipient of a reprimand. The legal office at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson could not provide the details of the other five reprimands at this time, the spokeswoman said.
The legal office was also unable to provide the exact circumstances surrounding the coffee pot affair — how, exactly, the airman was caught, for example.
Was an unfortunate bystander there to witness the coffee maker doused in a river of human waste? Was the airman working in tandem with a drug test spotter, not-so-affectionately referred to as a “pecker checker,” who went to authorities? Or did one woebegone officer, endeavoring to get the day started on a motivated note, take a big gulp of a cup of tainted java?
Tic Tac, sir?
In the end, the airman was reduced in rank to airman basic, the service’s lowest rank. How good is this individual at their job to remain in the Air Force after a half-dozen reprimands?
J.D. Simkins is a writer and editor for Military Times, and a USMC veteran.