Kevlar for the Mind: Patience, restraint can help you cope with civilians - Off Duty, Military Health and Fitness - Air Force Times

Kevlar for the Mind: Patience, restraint can help you cope with civilians

In a recent column, I discussed how service members may have a difficult time adjusting to civilian life due to perceived rudeness and disrespect from non-military people. I was impressed by the number of individuals who wrote in and shared their experiences on this issue. Below are a couple of them.

“I thought perhaps I was nuts, because I have had several run-ins with civilians since I returned from Iraq. After giving it some thought, I realized that I am used to dealing with Marines and receiving much respect at all times. After all, a master sergeant with almost 25 years in does receive a lot of respect in the Corps.

“In my opinion, people outside of the military are plain rude. On base at the PX, personnel will hold the door for others, and for the most part, do not drop their cigarette butts on the ground. We drive courteously on base and obey traffic laws. Off base at stores, people will knock you over to get through the door first, throw their cigarettes all over the ground and drive like raving maniacs. At times, I think I should become a hermit and live in my backyard for the rest of my life.

“At the urging of my wife, I have signed up with the VA to speak with someone. Your column puts it all together for me. It fits me perfectly. I know that I need to exercise self-control, rise above, continue to represent the Corps, and give myself some time.”

And:

“First, thank you. I was to the point where I thought I was the only one left not afflicted with terminal rudeness. I was beginning to wonder if years of customer-service training, customs and courtesies and active duty warped me to the point that I am destined to live a life of zero tolerance. Whenever I ‘engage’ a civilian, I often feel worse about what I said than how I felt from the person’s show of disrespect. Add to that raising two teenagers and I’m wondering if an active-duty career hasn’t warped me forever.

“Thanks for the ‘pep talk’ and thanks for reminding me that it’s OK to simply sit back and think before launching the full weight of one’s eagles or stripes. In most cases, the dull, blank stare I get is worse than the reason I launched in the first place.”

Transitioning to civilian life can be a challenge. However, as the two examples above highlight, you can “reset” and go on to lead a full and rewarding life.

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Bret A. Moore is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Iraq. E-mail kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. Names and identifying details will be kept confidential. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance. Readers should see a mental health professional or physician for mental health problems.