Air Force Community, Air Force Spouse and Family Resources - Air Force Times

Marine widow describes pain that suicide brings

Marine Lt. Col. Bob Curtis has seen firsthand the difference one military wife — now a widow — can make.

To drive home the reality of suicide for his Marines, Curtis asked Kim Ruocco, widow of his friend, Maj. John Ruocco, to speak at a suicide prevention briefing for Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Squadron 2 at Camp Lejeune, N.C.

John Ruocco committed suicide in a hotel room near Camp Pendleton, Calif., three months after returning from Iraq. When Curtis asked Kim to speak to the group, he didn’t know she had already been speaking to service members, in groups small and large, in an effort to prevent this from happening to others.

After the Marines got the Corps’ official suicide prevention briefing, Curtis introduced Kim.

“I told them, ‘She’s come here to open herself up so that you and your family will never feel the pain the she and her children have gone through,’ ”Curtis said.

The room was full, with about 200 people from Curtis’ squadron and other units. As Kim spoke, photos flashed on a screen behind her — John with his Marine pals and with her and their children, John coaching ball, John and Kim on the beach.

“When a man’s widow is standing in front of you, with pictures in the background, it brings you the reality,” Curtis said. “He had everything going for him. His kids adored him. He was loved and respected. None of his friends saw it coming.”

Kim told the audience that she didn’t see it coming — even though she has a master’s degree in social work and has counseled suicidal people. She even helped her husband prepare a suicide briefing once.

Afterward, Curtis said some Marines came to tell him that Kim’s briefing was “one of the most powerful presentations they’d ever heard.”

More importantly, it changed the way they think about suicide. “Before, they might not have gone up to someone to ask if they’re OK,” Curtis said. “Now, they said, they’re much more likely to go up to them and ask.”

Kim has given many such presentations since last fall. She’s also in almost daily contact with the loved one of a suicide victim, offering emotional support and other assistance across the services through the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors.

She does it all as a volunteer.

She’s now formalizing a plan to bring other people affected by suicide to talk to groups of troops and work with chaplains, suicide prevention officers, family readiness leaders and others.

Kim admits the presentations are not easy for her. But she said the work not only helps her deal with the devastating loss, it also sets an example for her boys, Joey, 15, and Billy, 13.

“My husband would have given his life for any one of those Marines,” she said. “Now, in a way, he has. Suicide is an ugly topic and ugly act — but if you can save someone else’s life, it’s not as tragic.”